HOW TO PERSUADE, NLP, PSYCHOLOGY ONLINE

Now is starting the most interesting part of our blog :) , the indirect persuasion, that is how to affect his/her unconsciousness.


RAPPORT: Is the connection between you and the person you will deal with.

Let’s have a look what Wikipedia says about "rapport”:
Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being "in sync" with, or being "on the same wavelength" as the person with whom you are talking.
To create a rapport between you and the person you are going to deal with you have to adjust yourself to this person.

• Adjustment to the posture (pose):
o The most effective one is the one exactly like in the mirror, that is when the person will look at you he/she will see you sitting the way that he/she would see himself/herself in the mirror. It means his/her left your right, his/her right your left. Another option is his/her left your left, his/her right your right, but the first one is the most effective one.

• Adjustment to the movements:
o Firstly do it so that he/she will NOT notice this.
o It is even enough to show the direction of the movement you are copying and not to finish it.
o Blink at the same frequency as the person does, then stop blinking and he/she will do the same. After you have adjusted to the blinking of him/her, you can even close your eyes, and the person will do the same. Both – stopping blinking and closing the eyes that affect the person in the same way, that is he repeats your actions shows that the rapport is adjusted.

• Adjustment to the breathing:
o Breathing is directly related to the unconsciousness of a person, so if you can adjust to the breathing you will create a rapport fast and effectively.
o Direct adjustments to the breathing is when you are breathing the same way he/she does, at the same frequency. This one is the most effective one.
o If direct adjustment to the breathing is not easy enough, and makes you feel uncomfortable, you can create an indirect adjustment. For example you can move your finger at the same frequency as the person breaths.

If you do a good enough adjustment, you will create a RAPPORT, and after this if you change your behavior slowly, the person will do the same, this means you are leading the person. Rapport is created good enough only if he/she has the same changes that you have.

Note: You can also adjust to intonation, to the inner rhythms, while walking, in the crowd, at a long distance, but POSE, MOVEMENTS and BREATHING – are the main and the most effective ones..

What is “set” ?
Let’s ask webends:
“Readiness to think or respond in a predetermined way when confronted with a problem or stimulus situation.”

Every day we do things generally because our sets tell us to do it, not our minds. And our decisions or prejudices are because of our sets, not our minds. It’s like you have a computer, of course the new one is better, but you are used to the old one and don't want to change it. The one that is logical is our mind, and the ones that we just do and can’t give an explanation are our sets. But there’s an interesting point, one probably thinks that MIND is the most important and he/she would do only what his logic says. But in most cases we do what our SETS tell us to do, without even analyzing it logically.



While changing a person’s set, you have to make him know what he/she will gain. Imagine you have a set like most of the people do to watch TV everyday for many hours without any aim, just wasting your time. You already know that it is not good for you, and you could probably do something that would really be beneficially for you. Or may be you don’t even think about that it is bad to waste your time doing nothing just watching TV. But if one comes and tells you that firstly you will have a benefit of doing many things like working on your own projects, making money and make your life more comfortable, that is make your life more the way you want it to be. Explains you every single step of doing so. Shows you what will you be after a few months or a few years after you stop just wasting your time watching TV and do something to improve your life quality. You might be inspired and start to do what that person tells you.
But think about think about the other way of encouraging you stop watching TV all the day or all your spare time. That person will tell you that watching TV is bad, wasting of time is bad, you’ll get old without even doing anything good, and without improving your life quality, you will get older year after year and finally die. Is this a way that will really motivate you? Might be, but it’s sure that the first way where that person would tell you all the positive things that you will gain if you do the necessary changes is much more effective. And don’t forget that the changes will happen as successful as they are conformable to his/her needs and wills. If a person is in need of money you should show him the points that will let him earn money, if a person has health problems, you should show him the points that will improve his/her health.

The persons judgments and points of view. He/she will rather talk about his/her own problems and wills.

MIMIC & GESTURES:

SPEAKING AND LISTENING:
While speaking, focus on the interests of the person. But when he/she starts to speak, listen, but listen in an active way.


ACTIVE LISTENING:

- Lean forward a little bit

- Establish a stable eye contact

- Nod
Nod or bob, whatever you call it, shaking your head downward and upwards is the sign of agreement, a sign that you understand and saying “of course” without any words.

This time we’ll talk about starting a dialogue. Just remember the people which started talking to you and you had some will to talk to them, whereas some people you don’t want to talk at all. What is the difference between them. Here are some simple “do & don’t" for you to be the one people will to talk to.

DO:
- create a good mood
- make compliments (it’s better on the background of an anti-compliment to yourself, but don’t look not self-confident)
- if it is possible talk like you are old friends


DO NOT:
- say “sorry” in a manner that will show that you are not self-confident
- start your dialogue uninteresting and boring
- show any disrespect to the person you are talking with
- go into the subject directly


CREATING A GOOD ATMOSPHERE:
- joke
- talk about something common (e.g. weather etc.)
- hobbies

All in all the person has to feel comfortable talking to you.

Make him/her trust you consciously : Direct Persuasion

Diplomatic behavior:

- etiquette
- manner of communication
- clothes
- the art of listening

Etiquette always affects the thought and ideas of a person about you. If you are polite he/she would rather trust you and like you. Otherwise he/she will resist to communicate with you.

Manner of communication is important also, as you could notice in your environment there are some people that you want to communicate, talk with, and some that you would prefer to stay away.

Clothes, are the very significant for the first impression. As you probably know, the first few minutes are giving the first impression and this impression is difficult to change later. The clothes form the main part of the first impression before starting to communicate. You yourself would probably prefer not to talk to a person whose clothes are unsuitable.

The art of listening is a skill that most of us don’t have, there’s a brilliant point of view about this:
“Every person has many things to talk about, and everyone suffers from that no one listens to him/her. The biggest problem of anyone is to find a listener. But this is impossible to do, because all other people also look for a listener for himself/herself, so they never have time to listen to anyone. The most important point in the art of communication is to listen. Only that persons who listen to us without interrupting become our best friends.”

Smile:
A good, kind smile forms a good first impression. You should smile without any effort. Your smile should give happiness and warmness to people, and people will smile in answer to your smile.
Sometimes you probably see people that have asymmetric smile, a smile that doesn't show that he/she is happy. This smile looks like he/she just have to smile, and that is why he/she is smiling. Some people have some specific face impressions, even if they don’t have any emotions. This is called contracture, I have explained you what contracture is in the previous post.


Note:

Let’s take a look what Wikipedia says about this term:

“A muscle contracture is a permanent shortening of a muscle or tendon in the human body in response to continued hypertonic stress exerted on that muscle or tendon, such as constant spasticity. Contractures are most often seen in the tightest muscles of people with conditions like spastic cerebral palsy. Contractures can't be stretched or exercised away once they occur; they need orthopedic surgical intervention to be corrected. One focus of physical therapy and occupational therapy exercise in people with spasticity is usually to try to prevent contractures from occurring so that all muscles can continue to be voluntarily stretched.”


In psychology this term is used for such cases when a person’s emotions have left on his/her face because of the long term of this emotions. You have probably seen some people having a nervous facial expression or sometimes, but rare, a smiling facial expression and probably noticed that some people almost always have the same facial expression, even if they don't have this specific emotion at that time. This is because the muscles are getting used to be in the position the emotions make them be for a long time. If a person is getting some specific facial expression for a long time the muscles “freeze” in that position. So if there's such a function of our muscles like to “freeze” emotions on our faces, why don't we always smile and let the HAPPY emotions freeze on our faces ;)

There are two ways to make a person trust you:

- make him/her trust you consciously : direct persuasion
- make him/her trust you unconsciously : indirect persuasion

The consciousness is a guardian – skeptical who doesn’t want to change his mind,
and the unconsciousness – good natured and flexible, so it doesn’t put any strict rules to what you tell. This way if you process any information to a person directly to his unconsciousness, he/she will never resist this information. He/she will think that it is actually his/her ideas, and not yours.



Firstly I’ll explain how to get a person's trust directly – to affect his/her consciousness, and after this how to affect his/her unconsciousness, that is get his/her trust indirectly.

Actually indirect persuasion is giving information to a person without his/her conscious processing.

I will explain both methods, because actually to persuade a person and affect his/her thoughts and decisions, you need to use both of them.